• Sprinkles and Jimmies
  • The Lance and Eskimo Career Aptitude Test
    more..
  • Search for the Elusive Hawaii Steak Elf
  • False Advertising
    more..
  • The Flowchart Of Life
  • Further Fun With Crime
    more..
  • Features

    Message BoardMessage Board
    CreditsCredits
    Buy StuffBuy Stuff
    Lance and EskimoL&E Home

    Friends

  • The Misbegotten Oregon Trail Journal Site
  • Latex Implement
    more..
  • Flash

  • The L&E Boyfriend Generator
  • Videotape Living Will
    more..
  • Fun

  • Parlor Games for the Next Millennium
  • Posto!
    more..
  • Extinct Beverages

  • Extinct Beverage: DNA
  • Extinct Beverage: Fruit Craze
  • Paul Says
    L&EPaulEmail

    Paul's Christmas List

    Yesterday, Nate was like, "My article this week will be my Christmas list, thus avoiding having to write a real article while introducing the miniscule possibility that some Internet crazy will buy me something." Sounds like a good idea to me! I don't want to write an article--writing an article is anathema to me. And I have unshakable faith in the power of internet crazies. If properly harnessed, it could solve world hunger, spawn ninjas, and lead to a proper understanding of the complexities of having sex with a dolphin.

    So here's what I want:

    MAZES AND MONSTERS

    It's ridiculous how much this is clearly Tom Hanks' greatest career role. He stars as a kid who plays a role-playing game called "Mazes and Monsters" and gets sucked into the usual cycle of obsession and despair that generally occurs when Tom Hanks plays a role-playing game. I think Tom wears an elfin cloak and carries a sword in this movie. And yet Saving Private Ryan won an Oscar!

    There is also a kid who wears a different hat in every scene. That is "comic relief".

    This movie is only on VHS, not DVD. That is not acceptable. I want it on DVD. Make it so.

    SOMETHING FROM THE L&E STORE BEFORE IT GOES OUT OF BUSINESS

    CafePress just came up with a new policy where they can shut down a store if it doesn't make a minimum amount of money, so this could be your last chance to get me a Bruce Campbell-approved mug or a T-shirt that says "Laura is stupid. --God."



    TiVO

    I have a friend who works at Best Buy, and, in his off time, works on always smoking a lot of pot. When TiVO came out, he described it as "like TV, but you can watch it whenever you want!" We were like, "You can already do that with TV, dude." But who's laughing now? Him, because he just smoked a lot of pot! Anyway, I want TiVO because sometimes there just isn't a documentary about ancient Egypt on. (The preceding statement is false.)

    BLACK KNIGHT

    I already own this rollicking Martin Lawrence medieval coming-to-maturity story, but it's so good I want two copies. And if you like to laugh, and you don't mind the fact that you are a mental midget, you should get yourself a copy too. And remember: he's about to get medieval -- on you!!

    *

    L&EPaulEmail

  • 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode I (pt. 6)
  • Can Technology
    more..
  • OTIS: An Eiffel Tower Expose
  • Elves vs. Nature
    more..
  • Contributing Writers

  • Some Much-Needed Help for George Lucas (Nick)
  • My Fool is a Crock (Jake)
    more..
  • Favorites

    Polymorph Want a Cracker?Polymorph
    chefelf.comChefelf
    laurahughes.comlaurahughes.com
    Anonymous BlondeAnonymous Blonde
    Fully Ramblomatic.comFullyRamblomatic.com
    more..

    Comics

  • Lance and Eskimo Comix
  • Lance and Eskimo Go Home
  • Lance and Eskimo Do the Dishes
    more..
  • Quizzes

  • The "Guess the Most Popular Slash Pairing" Game
  • Killing a Boy
    more..
  • Fiction

  • A Dramatic Tale
  • Cyanide: Silent Killer
    more..
  • L&E Comix

  • Lance and Eskimo Comic Strip: Musket
  • Eskimo's Date