Jenny Marx's Email Forward
When was the first forwarded survey? When did the first smartass fill in "sex: yes please!" and "favorite album: an album of family pictures I have" to universal mirth of his friends (the earth being young, and humorous humor not having been invented yet)? I would have guessed sometime in the early 70's, soon after the invention of email.
The Redcloud parents, however, while conducting their Cthulu research in some of their musty old books, found something that looks startlingly like an email-forward survey dating from the 1860's, written, oddly, by Karl Marx's daughter Jenny. This is true: she really wrote this, and made all her famous commie friends and relations take it. Some of her questions ("Your maxim") have a slight old-timey feel, but several ("favorite color", "your idea of happiness") seem just as modern and banal as anything you'd see in your in-box.
In order to keep this 150-year-old forward going, we L&E writers are all going to take the survey and email it to everyone we know. You should too! As an added bonus, next week we'll publish Marx's and Engels's survey answers, which are tons cooler and funnier than ours. (Engels listed his motto as "Take it aisy." Engels is the fucking man.)
Yahtzee's Answers to Jenny Marx's Questions
1. Your favorite virtue: I've never been that big on virtues, to be honest. I suppose I like people to be honest, except when these people are dicks.
2. Favorite virtue in man: Not being a dick.
3. Favorite virtue in woman: I wish 'virtue' was a better word to work with. If it was some word that sounded like it could be a euphemism for a penis, like 'object' or 'thing', I'd be able to wittily say 'Mine! Ha ha ha ha ha!'.
4. Your chief characteristic: Wearing a trenchcoat in high summer.
5. Your idea of happiness: Being stuck opposite Brigitte Neilson in a packed lift.
6. Your idea of misery: Being stuck opposite Leslie Neilson in a packed lift.
7. The vice you excuse most: Public nudity.
8. The vice you detest most: Refraining from public nudity.
9. Your chief aversion: I'm glad to say that I have, in fact, overcome my fear of Red Indians.
10. Literary or historical characters you most like: Does Columbo count as a literary character? I mean, the scripts for the episodes had to be written down at some point.
11. Your favorite occupation: Pie evaluation officer.
12. Your favorite hero: Professor Stephen Hawking.
13. Your favorite heroine: The extra refined brown stuff you can only get from a bloke in Amsterdam named 'Ginger'.
14. Your favorite writer: Either Douglas Adams, H G Wells or Seanbaby, all of whom, on reflection, seem to be dead.
15. Your favorite flower: I'm afraid I cannot answer this question, as I am too busy doing press-ups, grunting, and fiddling around under the bonnets of expensive cars.
16. Your favorite color: Forest Opal.
17. Your favorite dish: Jammie Wagon Wheels.
18. Your maxim: "Do you know what I found under your mattress, you dirty little bastard?"
19. Your motto: "In Vino Veritas", it being the only Latin phrase I know the meaning of.