• In Defense of Me
  • Arthur
    more..
  • Behind Lawyers
  • Embassy Blues - Reprise
    more..
  • The Armageddon Flowchart
  • The Role of the British in Star Trek
    more..
  • Features

    Message BoardMessage Board
    CreditsCredits
    Buy StuffBuy Stuff
    Lance and EskimoL&E Home

    Friends

  • Latex Implement
  • The Lewgosset Musk World Domination Page
    more..
  • Flash

  • Bilbo the Talking Gondar
  • Paul's Dream
    more..
  • Fun

  • Gerunds in the Movies
  • Paul's Virtual Bar
    more..
  • Blogs

  • Tegrisome
  • The Anonymous Blonde
  • Paul Says
    L&EPaulEmail

    15 Reasons why Chocolate is Better than Sex

    • chocolate is non-judgmental
    • chocolate likes to cuddle
    • no one ever heard of "chocolate crimes"
    • if a maid left sex on your pillow, you would be sad
    • chocolate is the ultimate expression of physical intimacy
    • sex produces babies, and babies consume our world's precious zwieback reserve
    • your boyfriend never starts crying and singing the French national anthem while eating chocolate
    • chocolate isn't morally wrong
    • when chocolate strains you to its manly bosom, you can feel its throbbing masculinity underneath its rough peasant garb
    • unlike sex, chocolate never tries to pull off outdated rap slang, claiming that you are "fronting" and asking its peeps to give a shout out
    • in televised debates, chocolate always wins because sex looks all jowly on camera
    • physiologically speaking, the human orgasm uses the same muscles as being abandoned on a desert island
    • chocolate never assembles in groups of 99 for a ceremony that teaches children to hate their Christian God (oh wait, that's why chocolate is better than Smurfs)
    • Albert Schweitzer is made of fudge
    • every time you have sex, another baby kitten dies

    *

    L&EPaulEmail

  • Think Big
  • 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode I (pt. 3)
    more..
  • Elves vs. the Supernatural
  • People on the Bus I Hate
    more..
  • Contributing Writers

  • Jake: An Introduction (Jake)
  • Old School Gaming Quiz (Part 1) (Slade)
    more..
  • Favorites

    Polymorph Want a Cracker?Polymorph
    chefelf.comChefelf
    laurahughes.comlaurahughes.com
    Anonymous BlondeAnonymous Blonde
    Fully Ramblomatic.comFullyRamblomatic.com
    more..

    Comics

  • Lance and Eskimo Comix
  • Company X #024
  • Company X # 026
    more..
  • Quizzes

  • The Lance and Eskimo Personality Test
  • Do You Assume Too Much About Other People?
    more..
  • Fiction

  • Articulate Jim: A Search for Something
  • Castles, The Princes That Fought (Chapter 10)
    more..
  • Star Wars

  • 64 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode II (pt. 2)
  • The Star Wars Holiday Special (Part 4)