• In Defense of Me
  • This Glorious City Weather Report
    more..
  • At the rodeo with Natalie Portman
  • Search for the Elusive Hawaii Steak Elf
    more..
  • Freudian interpretation to Horror Movie Dream Sequences
  • Why it would kick arse to be Spider-Man
    more..
  • Features

    Message BoardMessage Board
    CreditsCredits
    Buy StuffBuy Stuff
    Lance and EskimoL&E Home

    Friends

  • Latex Implement
  • World History Archive
    more..
  • Flash

  • Gnomesong!
  • The L&E Boyfriend Generator
    more..
  • Fun

  • Gerunds in the Movies
  • Geeko!
    more..
  • Books

  • Ringworld Remembered
  • I Was a Teenage Wizard
  • Contributing Writers
    L&EContributorsCredits

    In the Kitchen

    by Jake

    Few things in this world draw me away from my computer. The draw of endless hours of games, music, net surfing, and writing prove too hard to get away from most times. What can I say; it is a life I treasure. However, if one thing can pull me away it is the need for food. About the only other thing is the big screen in the living room with the digital cable. I have decided that VH1 Classic's We Are the 80's is a fine way to gain some culture while listening to some truly great tunes as well.

    Now, back to the story. I'll admit I have limited culinary skills, however, what few things I can make I enjoy and find my need for nourishment satisfied when I am finished. I learned the hard way one night that someone with my limitations in the culinary arts should never take shortcuts.

    On this particular occasion, I found myself rummaging through the cabinets and decided that a box of Macaroni and Cheese, single serving size, is just what my body hungered for. I decided to stick with my first instinct on this and looked no further.

    Usually macaroni and cheese is best done on the stove where great care can be taken that everything comes out perfectly. However, not wanting to miss whatever pointless TV I was watching at the time I decided that the microwave would be just as good so I prepared the macaroni and stuck the bowl in the microwave.

    At that time, I hadn't much experience with our brand new microwave so I carefully followed the cooking time instructions printed on the box. Satisfied at my handiwork and time saving genius I pushed the start button and rushed back into the living room to watch TV

    I sat down and waited for the beep that would mean my macaroni was ready to become macaroni and cheese. Hearing the microwave working in the background, I was convinced everything was going according to plan. Nothing could have been further from the truth. I was alerted to a problem when suddenly I began to smell a funky odor coming from the direction of the kitchen. I shrugged it off at first until it became obvious that something was burning. The last thing I wanted was burnt macaroni and cheese. So I got up and headed calmly towards the microwave ready to resolve whatever tragedy life had flung in my face.

    I reached the microwave to find light smoke billowing from it and now a distinct smell came to my alert nostrils: the smell of burning plastic. It seems the bowl that I used was now a casualty in my hurried attempt to make food.

    I opened the microwave and allowed the remaining smoke to clear so that I could assess the damage. Sure enough, the bowl and been burning and had been warped beyond saving. The macaroni itself was dry and stuck to the bowl--some of it even charred black. I quickly removed the mess when it got cool enough to handle, having to move fast because some of the plastic had become stuck to my new microwave. All the cleaning and excitement caused me to lose my appetite and the T.V. was no longer showing anything of value. I decided that I had better return to safer territory and thus ended up back behind my computer. Not knowing of Lance&Eskimo.com at the time I could not turn to it for quick comedic relief. My defeated spirit was forced to suffer more as I pointlessly surfed the web before finally drifting off to sleep.

    The night was a total loss.

    ~Jake

    *

    L&EContributorsCredits

  • The Star Wars Holiday Special (Part 4)
  • Iron Warrior
    more..
  • Great Powerpoint Demonstrations by Villains, Part 1: Skeletor's Soliloquy
  • Stop the Denial of Service Attacks: A Plea for Sanity
    more..
  • Contributing Writers

  • Waiting in a Parking Lot (J.M. Hoffman)
  • Velcro and Microwave Ovens (Raka)
    more..
  • Favorites

    Polymorph Want a Cracker?Polymorph
    chefelf.comChefelf
    laurahughes.comlaurahughes.com
    Anonymous BlondeAnonymous Blonde
    Fully Ramblomatic.comFullyRamblomatic.com
    more..

    Comics

  • Lance and Eskimo Comix
  • Company X # 025
  • Company X #013
    more..
  • Quizzes

  • Which Suicidal Poetess Are You?
  • What's Your Temperament? Personality Test/Medical Diagnostic Tool
    more..
  • Fiction

  • Castles, The Princes That Fought (Chapter 3)
  • The Azores Mystery
    more..
  • Movie Reviews

  • Barbarian Queen
  • Deathstalker II: Duel of the Titans