When I think of Microsoft Windows I think of a barren alien landscape with harsh cosmic
winds and an icy surface as hard and cold as coal. I think of suffering, panic and
mayhem. I think of Bill Gates eating a suckling piglet marinated in sweet apple cider,
taking a bite out of a giant turkey leg and spitting the half chewed meat at one of the
many trophy human heads displayed on the end of a spear in his decadent palace. I can't
help it that's just the first thing that comes to my mind!
Also why does Bill Gates want to charge so much for Windows XP... doesn't he have enough
money? Bill Gates is very similar to Adolph Hitler. The Blue Screen of Death! Blah!
Now that all of that obligatory ranting and raving about the evil corporation and the
instability of Windows is out of the way I can get on with the straight poop.
Windows XP is not a great operating system. It is leaps and bounds more advanced and
less buggy than Windows 98 (my previous operating system) and for that I am grateful.
Unfortunately a lot of Linux nerds try to convince me that "you can lead a completely
Windows free existence. Microsoft only wants you to believe that it's
impossible." This is a lie. I would love to use Linux exclusively. Nothing would
bring me more joy. If the day ever comes that I can play Warcraft II on Linux then maybe this will be possible.
But this is years away so I must live in the now: the present world that is dominated by
based software. As a web designer and maintainer I also can't ignore the fact
that 90% of the people looking at what I'm writing right now are doing it through
Microsoft Windows and most likely Internet Explorer. Windows machines are a necessary evil
and I must embrace that, even if I have to cringe and hold my breath while doing so.
So when Windows XP was released I was convinced that I should get rid of Windows 98 and
move into the new millennium. After using it for about a week I have made my decision.
It is an improvement. It doesn't crash (as much) and it seems to run at a comparable if
not slightly quicker speed on my same machine. However the actual changes that effect
the user (besides the stability) aren't all that dramatic. There are a lot of nice
little convenient changes that make a lot more sense but I'm not going to spend any time
talking about them. It's much more fun to bitch about the things I hate. Enjoy.
When you first sign on to Windows XP it assigns you a cute little icon. When I signed
on for the first time (on Paul's computer) it made me into a little froggy. Paul was a bass guitar. Now Paul plays the bass guitar and that was a little disturbing that they
would be able to figure this out. I'm sure that the Windows XP Telepathy Wizard must
have been enabled upon installation. What made me even angrier is the fact that they
made me into a picture of a Frog just because I'm of French ancestry. Not cool,
Microsoft! Not cool!
The Wide Selection
When first installing the operating system there is a time period of about one hour
where you have to start going through all the settings to make it not suck. The display
properties gave me the option of changing the color of my windows. I could have...
or olive green!
That was it. In Windows 98 I remember being given the choice of
not only blue but about 30 other color schemes ranging from brick red to eggplant. I
personally don't care because blue is just fine with me, but come on... three options?
And if they're going to go with olive green as one of the options they might as well
have orange and brown be the other two as well as a corduroy texture skin.
The Search Doggie
I hate the search doggie. If there's anything that could piss me off more than an
actual doggie it's a search doggie. This makes you long for the old Microsoft paper clip
from Word 97 as if it were a long lost friend. The doggie begins sniffing around for
files, finds bones and casually reads through a book while he looks for files. I spent
all my time wishing that a car would speed by and run him over.
Plus! sucks. It costs like $50.00 and it makes Windows even more horrible. The most
notable thing it does it give you a few extra screen savers. There's one that makes
your computer screen look like a real life aquarium! Is it cool at first? With much
shame I have to admit that it really is. However no matter how cool a screen saver is
there is nothing of that ilk that will not thoroughly annoy you after a matter of a
week. I still prefer the old standy 3D text that says something like "Whippersnapper"
or Laura's Log-in which says something nasty about Rory.
Next time I start examining Windows XP's games!