• This Glorious City Weather Report
  • Laura's New and Improved Crush List
    more..
  • The Romancing of Inbal - Part The Fifth
  • Violent Entertainment
    more..
  • British Road Signs Sing Gloria Gaynor
  • Freudian interpretation to Horror Movie Dream Sequences
    more..
  • Features

    Message BoardMessage Board
    CreditsCredits
    Buy StuffBuy Stuff
    Lance and EskimoL&E Home

    Friends

  • The Content-Free Vegeta Girl Zone
  • The Anonymous Blonde
    more..
  • Flash

  • The Official "The Day Chris Said "Wicked Fine"" Gush Page
  • The Ballad of Slylock Fox
    more..
  • Fun

  • Gerunds in the Movies
  • Quest for the Crown
    more..
  • Bruce Campbell

  • The Anonymous Blonde's First Erotic Science Fiction
  • I'm Pissed Off
  • Paul Says
    L&EPaulEmail

    Other Conversation Hearts

    The Post-Valentine Conversation Heartstravaganza continues with this look at rare conversation heart varieties.

    Olde Tyme Heartes

    We like to imagine that we found these hearts in some archaological excavation which involved crawling through Viennese catacombs, pushing open an ancient coffin, and finding this bag of candy hearts clutched in the skeletal fingers of an ancient knight. It didn't happen like that. Archaeology isn't all glamorous underground adventure; it's lots of painstaking work involving sifting through tons of dirt and keeping meticulous records in dozens and dozens of identical marble notebooks. That's why we let Sir Arthur Evans do the work of finding the hearts, and then we beat him savagely and stole them.

    Avast, honey!

    Broken Hearts

    Everyone at Lance and Eskimo has experienced the pain of breakup, from Lance and Eskimo themselves down to the lowliest Food and Beverage Goblin. That's why these Broken Hearts have a special place in the yawning cavity where our heart used to be before he/she RIPPED IT OUT OF OUR CHEST!!! Broken Hearts, originally called "Job's Comforter Hearts," are a great way to wallow in your misery after a tragic breakup. You may notice that these candy hearts taste bitter. That's not irony, that's aspirin, to take away some of the pain you're feeling. Just remember: don't eat too many or you'll die!

    What's love but a second-hand emotion

    Hearts of Darkness

    This brand of candy hearts is Necco's attempt to reel in the goth crowd. Its lack of success may be due partly to the bright pastel colors, which just don't sell well to the vampyre set. We must have sent Necco a thousand emails. "Black and red, black and red," we told them. "Bram Stoker wouldn't eat pastel candies." All Necco did was laugh eerily and set off at a loping run into the fog-bound moor, never to be seen again.

    Telltale Hearts

    Crazy Hearts

    These hearts speak for themselves. Unfortunately, what they say can best be described as a "word salad." When we bought Crazy Hearts, we expected them to say stuff like "Crazy 4 U" and possibly "Yoinks!" Instead, we got a glimpse into one confectioner's descent into madness. That was alright with us too.

    Chilling

    *

    L&EPaulEmail

  • George Lucas 1983 - 2005
  • Bea Arthur: Goodnight, but not Goodbye
    more..
  • The Binary L&E Promo
  • The American Presidents
    more..
  • Contributing Writers

  • Angel Force II: The Sidekick (Rory)
  • Summer Camp: A Love Story (Jen)
    more..
  • Favorites

    Polymorph Want a Cracker?Polymorph
    chefelf.comChefelf
    laurahughes.comlaurahughes.com
    Anonymous BlondeAnonymous Blonde
    Fully Ramblomatic.comFullyRamblomatic.com
    more..

    Comics

  • Lance and Eskimo Comix
  • The Locust (pt. 1)
  • Company X #010
    more..
  • Quizzes

  • The L&E Boyfriend Generator
  • The Lance and Eskimo Personality Test
    more..
  • Fiction

  • Elves vs. the Supernatural
  • Cyanide: Silent Killer
    more..
  • Geeky

  • Today in the News: Hackers Hate You!
  • Windows XP Part 1