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Extinct Beverage Tasting:

I spotted this one while vacationing on Cape Cod. If you are familiar with Cape Cod you will know that it's the little growth off of the end of Massachusetts that juts our into the Atlantic Ocean. The thing about people from Massachusetts and my native Rhode Island is that they all fancy themselves as somewhat experts on Cape Cod because everyone in this area has been there at some time or another. So they're always like, what part of Cape Cod did you go to? Then I inevitably say, "Uh... the part near the beach." Then they try to help you out by putting up their arm, bending their elbow and pointing to a part of the elbow.

Cape Cod Cape Cod Arm

Where I was on the Cape.

Where I would have been had the Cape mysteriously and suddenly morphed into a human elbow.

This doesn't help seeing I just used some shoddy directions my friend gave me and didn't even know the name of the town we were in.

Once again we are faced with a beverage that is afraid of itself It is made by the Snapple company who refuses to acknowledge that they are at all involved with its production. One can easily imagine the upper echelon of the Snapple Corporation after being disappointed by tasting Venom simply sending it off on its own to die.

It bears the "Elements" logo. Elements is a subdivision of Snapple used for their giant glass bottle drinks such as Volcano, Meteor and Rain. All the other Elements drinks bear the Snapple logo as well and are all featured on snapple's website: All except Venom.

It's obvious to me that Venom is quickly being aborted by its disappointed parent company. It has nothing going for it. In an over saturated Energy Drink market they are introducing a drink that tastes worse than just about anything I've ever ingested and has a logo that could easily spell "Venon" due to a poorly chosen design.

Of course the most obvious bad decision was made when they chose to essentially name their new drink "Poison."

And now on to the tasting...

The Six Eses
The Tasting


It appears to be harmless and yellow... just like Lemon Pledge!


Smells like your standard energy drink but also has a hint of celery and the familiar lingering odor of bile... just like Red Bull.


*Blecch* Most unpleasant. It tastes like bad celery mixed with lemon juice. There is some additional element of misery that I can't seem to isolate but I assure you that it is positively revolting.


As if this particular blend of disgusting flavors wasn't quite enough it is finished with a very powerful menthol-type sensation in your mouth. I honestly believe this to be the most disgusting extinct beverage that I have yet to taste. It outdoes even the disgusting texture issues of Orbitz.


The headache that usually accompanies my tasting of energy drinks seems to leap on me quite quickly after consuming Venom. The menthol sensation lingers in my mouth for at least 20 minutes. Imagine eating rotten celery pureed with lemon juice and mixed with the green flavored NyQuil all topped off with Lemon Pledge and some sort of citrus flavored Alka-Seltzer tablet. Even if you go as far as to make this disgusting bend of vegetables, fruits and medicine you still will not be able to imagine the horror that is Venom energy drink.


As gross as these drinks tend to be it is very seldom that I am actually unable to finish a drink especially with energy drinks which all tend to be less than nine ounces of liquid. I was unable to drink more than two tiny baby sips of Venom. As it's name implies it is disgusting. Even while thirsty I had to go get a drink of water. Like actual poison, my body wouldn't allow me to drink it anymore. One has to wonder how such a revolting, disgusting beverage such as this can make it this far in development.

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