Officer Kitty™
or
You Have the Right to Say Meow
Okay, here’s the movie concept: here’s the pitch (if you will):
After a drug bust goes bad, veteran cop Edward McDougalstein is called into the boss’s office. Because of his unorthodox tactics and some other stuff that happened before the movie we aren’t altogether too clear on (thus eliminating the need for heavy setup), get this, he’s partnered up with (ready) a cat. Together they must fight crime and cough up stuff.
But here’s the hook: the cat has diplomatic immunity.
Boss: Because of your reckless behavior, I’m sticking you with a partner. Meet Officer Kitty™.
McDougalstein: But it’s a cat!
Boss: That cat’s got a cleaner arrest record than you.
McDougalstein: I’m telling you, this is a mistake boss. With Marko running loose on the streets and the Mubendez drug war just beginning, there’s no room for a cat on the force.
Boss: You heard me McDougalstein! Now get the hell out of my office!
Some titles that flew through my mind were, of course Cat ‘n Mouse and Puss Patrol, but Officer Kitty just had that certain essence of serious whimsy so few movies seem able to capture.
Now, because of the cat’s diplomatic immunity, it can get away with certain things that would tend to hinder traditional law enforcement. Despite this, it just sits in the car most of the time, scratching up the seats and smelling up the place. Occasionally it causes allergies.
By the way, no one can actually tell that the cat has diplomatic immunity because it’s just a cat and cats can’t talk.
But then, 15 minutes into the movie, the cat gets stepped on and dies and it’s McDougalstein’s job to attempt to bring those people to justice because the system just doesn’t care if someone kills a cat and gets away with it. Bastards.
Unfortunately, the people who accidentally killed the cat all have diplomatic immunity as well. But here’s were it gets interesting: it then turns out that McDougalstein discovers that he too has diplomatic immunity, but he just couldn’t remember because of amnesia caused by something that happened in the first scene of the movie. Right at the end though, he’s conked over the head by something in a construction site that allows him to remember and thus shoot the bad guys just as the final fight sequence is taking place.
But things don’t really begin to pick up until the sequels. Up to three more in which the cat gets dug up and McDougalstein pretends it’s alive in order to impress a girl, in order to impress a guy, and in order to use its beach house until anyone realizes it's dead.
Look for this movie as a potential new release. At least everything eventually comes out on video. Everything.
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