• The Lance and Eskimo Career Aptitude Test
  • Pismo Tenderloins 2
    more..
  • Emmy Fever! - Part One
  • 3000 Miles to Graceland: My Ass!
    more..
  • Ask Yahtzee
  • The 100 Questions
    more..
  • Features

    Message BoardMessage Board
    CreditsCredits
    Buy StuffBuy Stuff
    Lance and EskimoL&E Home

    Friends

  • The Misbegotten Oregon Trail Journal Site
  • Rachel's World
    more..
  • Flash

  • Rob & Paul
  • Quest for the Crown
    more..
  • Fun

  • Quest for the Crown: Official Strategy Guide
  • Caption the Senator Contest
    more..
  • Cutest Brother

  • Elect Chefelf
  • Why I Should Be Cutest Redcloud Brother
  • Jacques Talk
    L&EJacquesEmail

    Vote Jacques!

    Because when he smiles, it's heavenly


    The reason Jacques is the cutest? Well, and let's be honest now, because his beauty isn't "enhanced" beauty.

    Heís not a girl with cooties. Nor has he shaved any particularly appealing words into his head, such as "Meatz".

    Dastardly!
    Elves have also been known to associate with Leprechauns.

    Nor, I say, is he an elf with (possibly) "elf's-disease", "elf-rot", "elf-syndrome", "rabies", or "elf-hepatitis B". Jacques has never kidnapped children in the night, and he always helps hobbits in need. He would never put a hex or cast a spell on anyone. He would never kick a hobbit when he's down; don't allow the elf's exterior cuteness to deceive you. Jacques' is a manner of inner cuteness.


    Booo!
    Don't allow Paul's magical forehead to unfairly hypnotize you into submission.

    And as for Paul, did you see that octopus thing? He's crazy! If elected cutest Brother Redcloud, I can virtually guarantee that I won't be fiddling with busses so that they explode if falling below 50 miles per hour. You can't beat that virtual guarantee with any of these other candidates! Go ahead. Read their campaigns and notice how they've so "conveniently" left that eventuality out.


    As for Laura... perhaps this picture would persuade you to vote otherwise.

    Laura at no magnification Laura at 50% magnification Laura as viewed through an electron microscope

    As a youth, Jacques spent days on end merely practicing the fine art of winking into an elongated mirror. In fact, his eyelashes were so long and luscious that he was often mistaken for a girl in the menís bathroom until he began to pee standing up. This is the image that should be hovering in your minds when you visualize Jacques as you vote for the cutest brother.

    Vote Jacques the cutest Brother! Why? The most convincing reason of all: because he's really a puppy in disguise!

    Jacques


    CAST YOUR VOTE!


    Campaign partially funded by Exxon: even in this time of oil shortage, committed to raising the earth's temperature. A few degrees at a time.

    Exxon Exxon. Always bet on black. Because solar power is for pussies.

    *

    L&EJacquesEmail

  • Windows XP Part 4
  • 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode I (pt.7)
    more..
  • Mu and Spick: Space Adventurers
  • An Exciting WWII Story
    more..
  • Contributing Writers

  • Questions for Anne Rice (J.M. Hoffman)
  • How To Become a Redcloud Brother (J.M. Hoffman)
    more..
  • Favorites

    Polymorph Want a Cracker?Polymorph
    chefelf.comChefelf
    laurahughes.comlaurahughes.com
    Anonymous BlondeAnonymous Blonde
    Fully Ramblomatic.comFullyRamblomatic.com
    more..

    Comics

  • Lance and Eskimo Comix
  • Company X #008
  • Company X # 017
    more..
  • Quizzes

  • What's Your Major?
  • Name That Beauty Salon!
    more..
  • Fiction

  • Origins
  • Bears!: the musical
    more..
  • Movie Reviews

  • Halloween H20
  • Great Powerpoint Demonstrations by Villains, Part 1: Skeletor's Soliloquy