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  • Paul Says
    L&EPaulEmail

    Paul

    Paul is the Cutest

    Hey there. I'm Paul, and I'd like you to consider me as the cutest Redcloud brother. I know what you're thinking: "Paul isn't cute at all! He's all stubbled and scary-looking! He has an enigmatic tattoo on his forehead! And a purple mohawk! He's obviously not a cutie, but rather a plays-by-his-own-rules bad boy! The only thing stronger than his independent streak is his almost palpable desire to make one lucky lady feel special! There's a lot more to Paul than meets the eye! He takes what he wants, and what he wants right now is me! Me wantee!" If you can just control yourself for one minute, and think with your brain, I will undertake to prove why I am the cutest Redcloud brother.

    • I have a face like Denzel and a body like Arnold.
    • Sometimes I take off one sock and then get distracted and go running around with one sock on. No wait, that's a reason why I am a dork.

    • My awkward stuttering gives me a vulnerable, boyish air that's simply irresistible... just like Hugh Grant!

    • Here's me as a kid:

      Tiger Beat


    • I get shy and embarrassed easily. Just try mentioning a naughty topic, like "oral sex," in my presence. I will blush to the tips of my ears and look down at my feet, which are tracing slow semicircles in the dust, and mutter shy and corn-fed phrases like "Golly..." and "Jeekers..." Hell, it doesn't take a mention of oral sex to embarass me. Try "boobies." Or "kissing."

    • Everyone knows about the MEATZ tattoo on my forehead. My other tattoo? Hello Kitty.

    • Here's me in Tiger Beat:

      Tiger Beat


    • Remember the guy in the English Patient? He was all sensitive because he carried a copy of Herodotus' Histories from which he read erotic passages to girls. I'm pretty much the same, but with Issue 12 of the "Masters of the Universe" comic, "Here Lies He-Man."

    • In 1995, I was caught with a prostitute named Divine Brown... just like Hugh Grant!

    • You may be saying, "Cartoon caricatures and baby pictures are all very well, but what does he look like in real life?" Here's a picture:

      Real Paul


    • I have a stuffed bear named Winky Woob. Sometimes he gives me advice. Actually, that's not true at all, but I will do or say anything to win this contest.

    • Anything.

    CAST YOUR VOTE!

    *

    L&EPaulEmail

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