• An Assignment for English 111
  • Wuzup God Messages
    more..
  • The Henchmen Cooperative Project
  • Behind Lawyers
    more..
  • Friday the 13th part 2
  • Poetry corner: St Ives
    more..
  • Features

    Message BoardMessage Board
    CreditsCredits
    Buy StuffBuy Stuff
    Lance and EskimoL&E Home

    Friends

  • The Lewgosset Musk World Domination Page
  • Rachel's World
    more..
  • Flash

  • Videotape Living Will
  • Ultra Scary Suddeny Frighty Ghosty Thing!
    more..
  • Fun

  • This Glorious City Weather Report
  • Jerry Bruckheimer Plot Generator
    more..
  • Blogs

  • The Anonymous Blonde
  • Chefelf.com
  • Jacques Talk
    L&EJacquesEmail

    Over the years, many questions have been raised regarding the philosophy of Star Wars. Yet none so pressing as the ongoing debate over one thing: why is DEATH STAR capitalized in the scrolling prologue to the movie.

    When seen in perspective, there’s an obvious enough reason for it. It’s merely an acronym.

    fully functional Darling Ergonomic Areola Titillating Harness, STill hAndles Reliably

    Much as the sultry Jar-Jar Binks, this was partially intended as a bit of comic relief. But beyond that, it stands for more. A deeper understanding would require one to enter the field of ergonomics in which one seeks to adjust (in theory and practice) the work environment and working conditions to fit the needs of the worker, creating a more productive and fulfilling workplace.

    In a sense, those aboard the DEATH STAR are the areola of the Empire. And the emperor himself is the nipple. Seen as such, we realize that stimulating the worker harnessed in this "DEATH STAR" produces an optimum setting for creativity and production.

    That the DEATH STAR "still handles reliably" though, seems to imply that the Empire was not the first to use this device. Secondhand titillating harnesses would be quite commonplace though in such a galaxy devastated by constant wars and surly green muppets. The golden age of areola titillating harness production would long have ceased as short little Rodians and lumbering Wookies now gather up empty toothpaste bottles and the like to support the war effort.

    Obviously enough, the DEATH STAR is resurrected in Return of the Jedi to complete the symbolic pairing of boobies, returning us to Lucas’s oft used stylistic gimmick (and one used by many artists besides): the "dual nipple theory" (which suggests that, under optimum conditions, boobies come in pairs). More generally, while the emperor holds position as nipple of the 2nd DEATH STAR, Grand Moff Tarkin is most likely the surrogate nipple for the first.

    Though the DEATH STAR is exempted from the sequel to Star Wars (Star The Empire Strikes Back Wars), we can still see recurring traces of booby symbolism here and there. On the bumpy surface of Degobah, those pointy dual spaceships in Cloud City, and even Princess Leia’s head. Perhaps a means of foreshadowing the 2nd DEATH STAR in Return of the Jedi.

    In any case, it now seems overwhelmingly clear why the DEATH STAR is in fact capitalized: to make subtle reference to the fact that it can lactate pure energy (or "force"), necessary for nurturing future generations of stormtroopers and those other guys who just wore those uniforms but weren’t stormtroopers. You know who I’m talking about. Those guys.

    *

    L&EJacquesEmail

  • Barbarian Queen
  • Gullible's Travels: Day Nine
    more..
  • Armageddon: More like GIRLmageddon!
  • The Carl Sagan Song
    more..
  • Contributing Writers

  • Videotape Living Will (Lefty)
  • Meet the Staff: J.M. Hoffman (J.M. Hoffman)
    more..
  • Favorites

    Polymorph Want a Cracker?Polymorph
    chefelf.comChefelf
    laurahughes.comlaurahughes.com
    Anonymous BlondeAnonymous Blonde
    Fully Ramblomatic.comFullyRamblomatic.com
    more..

    Comics

  • Lance and Eskimo Comix
  • Spider-Man 3
  • Company X #014
    more..
  • Quizzes

  • The 2001 Beer Commercial Report
  • Which Wife of Henry VIII Are YOU?
    more..
  • Fiction

  • My Fool is a Crock
  • Two Hundred Seconds
    more..
  • Gullible's Travels

  • Gullible's Travels: Day Seventeen
  • Gullible's Travels: Day Twenty-Two