This was drawn out of sequence, while playing Guitar Hero (I mean, not actually while I was playing, but alternately with my friend Dave playing), because I realized I needed a transition to Eskimo and Krys not being in jail. I believe the gruesome threats were the idea of my friend Anna, the world’s most giant doctor.

ESKIMO: Working with pirates, you must know how much treasure a guard could make from, say, leaving a key in the lock.
GUARD: I am an officer of the LAW. You cannot tempt me with promises of riches.
ESKIMO: How about… MANY riches?
KRYS: How about let us out or feel the slow burn of roasting over an open fire while ravens beak your toes and I rip off that fake badge hat and feed it to you?
ESKIMO: Wealth beyond your wildest dreams!
KRYS: Pain and annoyance beyond your wildest dreams!
GUARD: It doesn’t matter what you say–you still have five minutes left on your time-out.