The official Internet home of lovable scamps.

April 19, 2007

#10 Non-Cannon


Because of the Napoleonic Wars, maybe?

If the instructions for how to load the cannon don’t make sense, it’s because I don’t know anything about it. I just copied them from a Civil War re-enactment website.

I love scrawny Child Lance. He’s so Christopher Robin.

The Script

KRYS (watching the other ship from the rigging): She’s turning about… raising a Fleur de Lis.
ESKIMO: What are we flying?
KRYS: Um… Cross of St. George, for some reason.
ESKIMO: Oh, it’s ON, bitch! Lance, Krys, ready the cannons.
LANCE: Sure.
(Krys rubs the back of her head sheepishly.)
LANCE: Just one question…
ESKIMO: Huh? Oh, it’s easy. There’s just three steps: load, aim, and fire. Now, when I say “load,” just tend the vent with one hand, and with the other, insert the sponge–
LANCE: No, I know how it’s done.
(Cut to: Dr. Stragely showing young Lance a large wheeled cannon.)
STRAGELY: Son, today we learn how to defend our school from attacking Visigoths!
(Present day)
LANCE: (indicating empty cannon port) Just… where are they?

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Lance and Eskimo, written & drawn by Laura Hughes. Webcomic 2007-present; stories & characters developed 1998-present. Come for the surreal parody, lovable scamps, and persistent homoeroticism, stay for the passing flashes of quality!

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