Friends Episode Guide--Season 2

Here's an episode guide for the second season of Friends, complete with episode name and number, a synopsis, Dune Guy ratings, and Dune Guy quotes from each one.

Dune Guy Rating: 1202: The Hombre Man Rides Again

Joey finds rivalry at work in the form of the mysterious "Hombre Man," who sprays cologne on people better than he does; Monica betrays Rachel by shopping with Julie. Phoebe and Joey drink breast milk. "Sooner or later somebody's gonna come along who can slice a better cheddar." Keep your eyes peeled for Dune Guy; his screen time can be measured in nanoseconds.

Dune Guy Rating: 3 1/2203: The Death of Mr. Heckles

Mr. Heckles dies and leaves his stuff to Mon and Rache. Chandler discovers that Heckles used to be a lot like Chandler-before he turned into a bad man. "Uh oh, it's Isaac Newton, and he's pissed." "Actually, I think this apartment sullies the good name of crap." "Neat! I'm gonna die alone!" "Run away from Crazy Snake Man!"

Dune Guy Rating: 2 1/2204: Phoebe's Husband

Can you believe that before I became interested in Dune Guy I didn't know how to spell "Phoebe?" Well, Phoebe turns out to be married to a gay guy who needed a green card. But he's not gay. Joey was in a porno movie! "Why yes, Ross, pressing my third nipple opens the service entrance to the magical land of Narnia."

Dune Guy Rating: 3 1/2205: The Best of Times, The Worst of Times

Chandler gets a wrong number on his answering machine and ends up going out with a beautiful woman named Jade. Rachel, Joey, and Phoebe, who don't make so much money, feel that the others' high-livin' lifestyle is forcing them to spend more money than they want to. They confront their friends about this, leading to a big fight about Hootie and the Blowfish tickets. "I just had this weird sense. But that's me, I'm weird and sensitive." "So, the Ebola virus. That's gotta suck, huh?"

Dune Guy Rating: 2 1/2206: Adventures in Ben-Sitting

Ross is allergic to Monica's kiwi lime pie, so he must go to the hospital, leaving Ben in the capable hands of Joey and Chandler, who promptly lose him. Meanwhile, Phoebe is no longer allowed to play at the Central Perk, so she becomes a guerrilla musician. "You know, I once dated a Miss Crankypants. Lovely girl. Kinda moody." "That's a good plan, Joe. Next time we want to pick up babes, we should just go to the park and make out." "What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?" "Stay back! I've got kiwi! Run, Joey, run!"

Dune Guy Rating: 3207: Closure

Rachel gives Ross a call telling him she's "over" him, raising the question: When was she under him? Monica becomes Chandler's personal trained. "Joey, be a pal. Lift up my hand and smack her with it." "It's Sunday. It's God's day."

Dune Guy Rating: 1 1/2208: The List

Ross kisses Rachel and must decide whether to go with her or Julia. He makes a list of pros and cons for each woman. Who should happen to see the list but… (gasp)… Rachel! Meanwhile, Monica gets a job making up recipes for a new chocolate substitute… Mocolate. "This must be so hard. 'Oh no, two women love me. They're both gorgeous and sexy… my wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!!'" "I'm telling you this thing won't print. Yes, I pushed that button a hundred times. You know for a hotline you're not so hot? …What is that in the background? Are you watching Star Trek??"

Dune Guy Rating: 3210: Chandler Gets Audited/Phoebe's Book Club

Chandler's IRS hijinks and Phoebe's attempt to seem literate in a neighborhood book club make for some good watchin'. "It's like a press conference with Satan!" "I would like to be a long-haired cabbage assassin." "Way to go, Smartacus!"

Dune Guy Rating: 3211: Carol and Sue Get Married

Carol and Susan are getting married, and Ross can't deal. One of Phoebe's massage clients dies, and her spirit passes into Phoebe. Joey gets a part in "Days of Our Lives" as Dr. Drake Remoray. He explains the discipline of Smell-The-Fart acting. "Damn! My mail-order grandfather hasn't come yet." "Monica, I feel like I should have German subtitles." "Alright look, penis schmenis, okay, we're all people."

Dune Guy Rating: 3214: The Bracelet/The Prom Video

Joey gets Chandler a crappy bracelet, which Chan is then forced to wear, prompting a plethora of Chandlerisms. Ross pines for Rachel, but she rejects him. Then gang watches Rachel and Monica's prom video, in which Ross is revealed to be a sweetie. "He could have got me a VCR, he could have got me a baseball, but he has to get me the Woman Repeller--the eyesore from the Liberace house of crap!" "I am here on my knees, holding up these couch cushions as a symbol of my sorrow and regret. Much like I did in biblical times…. You may haveth anger now!!"

Dune Guy Rating: 3216: The Birthday Party
(unofficially known by Friends fans as "the Magnum Episode")

Joey moves out and birthday party antics ensue. "Your little men are going to get scored on more than your sister." "Stop talking to your men!" "Yeah. Right. Guess so."

Dune Guy Rating: 3217: Eddie

Chandler gets a new roommate to replace Joey...Eddie. Ross gets on Monica's nerves. Phoebe is discovered by a recording company and does a video for 'Smelly Cat'. "Now wait a minute, I claimed you in the name of France four years ago." "How could anyone not be in love with Yasmine Bleeth?" "Run, Yasmine! Run like the wind!"

Dune Guy Rating: 2220: Richard and the Boys

Joey and Chandler develop a case of hero worship on Richard and begin to emulate him. Ross reveals that he has his future with Rachel planned out, freaking her out. "We don't know Richard real well, and besides, he's old. …er, than some people, but younger than some buildings." "Monica's my dad!"

Dune Guy Rating: 1 1/2221: The Bullies/Phoebe's Dad

Phoebe runs over her dad's dog. Meanwhile, some bullies harass Chandler and Ross. Good premise, but I found it stale, turgid, and lacking in verve and sparkle. "Why not?"

Dune Guy Rating: 4222: The Birthday Party II
(unofficially known by Friends fans as "the Minorum episode" even though it's actually much funnier than "The Magnum Episode")

The Friends try to separate Rachel's mom from her dad at her birthday party. Ross's antics must be seen to be believed! "Wow, it's like porno for clowns." "You know, my cousin went to hell on a football scholarship." "Sorry, we're on a major flan high."

Dune Guy Rating: 3 1/2223: The Chicken Pox Epidemic

Ben gives chicken pox to Phoebe and her love interest, a mighty sailor. Monica fears that she's too neurotic for Richard. Joey gets a job working for Chandler, and does his best to act like a computer programmer. But he gets a little too into the role… In this episode, we miss out on some great Dune Guy lines because he has his mouth full of muffin. Damn the muffin! "You know, there isn't a part of that sentence I don't need explained?" "That's some pretty powerful imaginary sperm you must have there."

Dune Guy Rating: 3224: Phoebe Crashes

An ex-boyfriend moves into Phoebe's apartment, so she decides to live in Monica's living room. She accidentally spies on Monica and Richard and is seen naked by virtually everybody. "Come quick, everyone, there's a big porcupine growing out of Rachel's butt!" "I am the Grinch who stole Christmas."

Dune Guy Rating: 2 1/2225: The Bridesmaid

Rachel embarrasses herself at her former fiancee's wedding. Chandler has an on-line affair with…(smiles coyly)…you'll see… PHOEBE: "Are you the cutest?" CHANDLER: "I'm afraid I might just be."

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