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Emergency Steak

Do you ever run out of steak? You rummage around foolishly through your fridge to no avail. There is no steak to be found! Do you happen to have ground beef, milk and Wheaties? For some inexplicable reason do you not want to eat hamburgers or have a bowl of Wheaties?

If you answered "Yes" to one or more of these questions, then I have the recipe for you: Emergency Steak.
    Serves 2
  • 1 lb. ground beef
  • 1 T minced onion
  • 1/2 C milk
  • 1 t salt
  • 1/4 t black pepper
  • 1 C Wheaties
Real T-Bone

An actual T-Bone steak for reference purposes.

Method of Preparation: Wheaties

In a mixing bowl combine all the ingredients in listed order. Display no unusual emotion until Wheaties are added. Cringe as you feel the crunching of the Wheaties under your fingers as you try to maneuver through the milky, meaty mess that has accumulated.

Form Meat

Form the meat into the shape of a T-bone steak. As I'm sure you are aware, the T-bone steak comes from the loin of the animal. It is a steak cut from two muscles, the Sirloin or Strip and the Tenderloin. The bone is actually called the Finger or Short Loin Bone. What we will be crafting will be boneless. If you have trouble getting the shape just right, keep at it and it will come. This is an emergency situation and the shape must be approximated as closely as possible. Cooking "Steak"

When you are done molding the correct shape, place the steaks on a lightly greased pan and into an oven at 350 degrees about 3-4 inches from the top broiler. Cook for 10-12 minutes or until desired doneness is achieved.

Serving Suggestion:

The Final Presentation

Here the Live Action Chef™ serves Emergency Steak with new potato rosti and steamed brussel sprouts over a bed of sauteed swiss chard and accompanied by caramelized cipolini onions with a red wine demi glace.

The Tasting

When you're baking, you mix together butter, eggs, milk, flour, and sugar, most of which would be nasty on their own, and you end up with a delicious cake. It's a magical, almost alchemical process. THIS DOES NOT OCCUR WITH EMERGENCY STEAK. It tastes just like its ingredients. In a true emergency, you could simulate emergency steak by dropping a hamburger into a bowl of wheaties. It would be nasty. You would not eat it. It would be Emergency Steak.



I have always had a great love for original recipe collecting. A friend of mine kept telling be about this recipe for something called "Emergency Steak." I was intrigued and was finally able to get a copy of the recipe. With a little help from my friend, the Live Action Chef™, we were able to create a wonderful feast for the senses and present you with a quick and easy recipe.


The Live Action Chef™

The Live Action Chef™

What I was trying to capture here was the delicate nature of the meat. This dish really displays the contrast of textures from the tender meat to the crunchy Wheaties. The butter-soft hamburger again contrasts the potato rosti. The bitterness of the brussel sprouts is juxtaposed with the sugar-sweet cipolini onions. Again we see flavors, colors, smells and tastes mingling from the subtlety of the swiss chard to the near obnoxiousness of the red wine demi-glace.

This dish doesn't leap from the plate--it shoots off begging you to become subdued by its complexity and richness. I am both offended and compelled by the interplay of the dish's elements. Both the simplicity and complexity make me sorry for those not experiencing its deceptive charms.

--The Live Action Chef™

"The Fastest Rhymer"

Young MC

Emergency Steak's history is mostly veiled in mystery, but we believe we have found a reference to it on the Young MC's opus Stone Cold Rhymin'. In his inflammatory criticism of school lunches in "Principal's Office," he says, "Bit down on the meatloaf and I heard it crunch..." Unfortunately, Young MC, you probably weren't eating mouse bones. You were eating Emergency Steak!

The Emergency Steak shaping process.

Emergency Steak
The same process as seen by the Terminator.

Considididimergncy Steak
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