Hate Email 1
"KMX: Couldn't Be More Wrong"
Subject: KMX: Couldn't Be More Wrong
From: "Bailey, Christopher"
Date: Mon, 28 Jan 2002 18:46:48 -0500
Well, not only are you a poor internet researcher, but also have a girly stomach. The KMX website is www.kmxusa.com. As with thousands of other web sites with 3 letters for the product name, another company owns kmx.com. As far as your review. Wrong on almost every account. I have personally purchased every energy drink on the market and did a significantly more scientific side-by-side comparison. Only then can you make taste comparisons of any REAL value. KMX stood out as the most impactful and pleasant upon tasting and the cleanest finish and produced the energy boost half-hour afterwards that you would expect. The drink also serves as a perfect complement to any vodka. (true for most of the energy drinks also) As far as your gas problems, see a doctor, no such issues occurred. As far as your wimpy mouth that can't handle tart, what you call acidic, tastes, I recommend a staple diet of potatoes and milk toast. Your taste opinion is useless to the rest of the world that dabble in the Frank's Red Hot sauce from time to time. You are correct that the price is through the roof. It sells in Michigan for $1.99 a can. Same as all the others. As far as extinct is concerned. You might want to know that the CEO of Coca-Cola who now owns KMX is planning to have 25% of their profits generated by non-carbonated beverages by 2004. This plan focuses specifically on H20 products like Dasani and their line of energy drinks, including KMX. Since his 90 million dollar salary is tied to the performance of the non-carbs, you are a riskier gambler on this drinks fate then any sober man would be. As far as your web site it looks clean, but as far as your content, the old computer acronym GIGO applies. Garbage In Garbage Out.
Subject: Re: KMX: Couldn't Be More Wrong
Date: Tue, 29 Jan 2002 00:15:50 -0500
To: "Bailey, Christopher"
Thanks for writing! I didn't realize until after reading your email that I was a poor internet researcher. After typing in "KMX energy drink" into Google I came up with 181 results and I failed to find KMX's spiffy website after looking through all 19 pages! How could I have overlooked such an obvious thing. It could be because it isn't there at all.
I'm really sorry that my opinion of an unpopular, overpriced soft drink is different than yours. I'm extra sorry that your opinion is right and that mine is wrong. After all what do I know about flavor anyway?
Your fascinating assertion that the old computer acronym GIGO applies to my website was a clever way to label yourself as a computer geek and I salute that! It also lets me know that you are obviously a computer guy and that your mouth is probably rotting from drinking a bottomless cup of Jolt for the past ten years. Your tech job is quite clearly more valuable than my degree in Culinary Arts and experience as the youngest Executive Chef of a Five Star Diamond Restaurant. I stand corrected, nay, chagrined.
One thing that I didn't learn in culinary school or my time in the exciting Food Service field was how to be a man, something you obviously excel at. In one paragraph you call my mouth "wimpy" and my stomach "girly". Christopher, do you want to be a Macho Man? I believe that you do.
I genuinely enjoyed reading your email. I started this website almost solely for hate mail that would hopefully be generated by my articles and so far it has been fairly rewarding. As for your email, it is one big long paragraph, but as far as entertainment goes, the old restaurant acronym FIFO applies. First In First Out.
* Sadly Christopher gave up after just one insulting email. I waited for almost a month but I did not receive a clever retort. Hopefully the next hate mailer I get will be a little more persistent.