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Extinct Beverage Tasting:
Banana Chubby

S.M. Jaleel and Co. Ltd. brings us its newest potion: Chubby. Located in Trinidad and Tobago (which as you know from Sid Meier's Pirates! has 3 forts and 200 soldiers), S.M. Jaleel is dedicated to establishing Chubby as a "Global Brand."

Their mission is simple: "To be the leading manufacturer in the non-alcoholic beverage market in the Caribbean Region by pursuing World Class strategies consistent with respect for God and Humanity."

Launched in September 1993, Chubby is the first carbonated soft drink to be developed and targeted specifically at children under the age of 12. It's available in no less 22 delicious varieties with such kid-tested and mother-approved flavors as: Kola Champagne, Club Soda, Diet Banana and Guarana.

The Six Eses
The Tasting

We decided to give banana-flavored Chubby a taste. Initially, we fell victim to one of the classic extinct beverage tasting blunders; having only room-temperature Chubby available; we put it in the freezer and then, getting caught up in an exciting game of Bad Street Brawler, we forgot about it until it was frozen solid. We had to defrost it in the microwave. We hope this didn't adversely affect its taste.


We approached this drink with caution. Somehow, perhaps due to its preparation method, and to the fact that we purchased it more than two years ago, it had lost most of its carbonation. It poured like syrup, and although we were not up to the Smell portion of the tasting yet, we could not avoid getting a whiff of what we could only guess would be a truly revolting drink. The color is "if it's yellow, let it mellow" concentrated pee.


Banana Chubby smells remarkably like bubble gum. And not real bubble gum, but that bubble gum-flavored fluoride that they give you at the dentist, and which subsequently haunts your nightmares. Frankly, we're scared.


We decided to add this step at this point.


We took the absolute smallest sips we could. After we had run through our reportoire of Bill Cosby-esque facial contortions, we began to catalogue our feelings, which ran to hypothetical questions: what if Robotussin made Necco wafers? What if bismuth was a more popular consumer flavor? If bananas tasted like this, would monkeys die?


The aftertaste is reminiscent of those really nasty candies that look like this:

Nasty Hard Candy

It's also really chalky.


After indulging in about a quarter of an ounce of the beverage, both tasters reported stomach aches. One also complained of blurred vision and reported that he felt "so, so cold."

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