So, kids. This is my journal. Nothing useful happened today, unless you count the fact that I had sex with a mayoral candidate. And we had smoothies with rat muzzles in them. Just kidding. They were really just big fat pieces of candy corn. I'm interested in the kind of books you kids like to read. Do you like Anais Nin, or Felicity Duncan? To inspire you, here are the last six books I read: Sharon Olds, "Blood, Tin, Straw" Tolstoi, "Anna Karenina" The Assissi Compilation TS Eliot, "The Family Reunion" Some Indian Woman, "Interpreter of Maladies" George Orwell, "Keep the Aspidistra Flying" They are dumb, those books. I taped one to my wall and hung a sign from it that said, "Good." Then I administered fellatio to my postman. See y'all tomorrow!