The Anonymous Blonde's Parlor Games for the Next Millenium
Play #1 Actor A
A pteradon landed in my yard yesterday.
(looks up) Of course, he was only made out of styrofoam. But still, a pteradon, isnít that impressive?
Well, I thought so. I mean, werenít you impressed I knew what a pteradon was?
(rising) Iím going to have another cup.
(still standing) Is that an interesting article? .
Whatís it about? Not pteradons.
Swimming! Thatís odd, for a magazine. What about swimming? Is it the physics of swimming or something?
That sounds like something from a womanís magazine. (pause) Or a menís magazine. Nowadays. (she starts to go, then turns, abruptly, balances on one foot) Is it one of those menís magazines?
Which one? Is it Maxim?
Oh. I think Maxim is just delightful. Itís funny, because you donít go swimming much.
I donít know if Iíve ever seen you go swimming.
I guess not. (pause) That time we went to the beach, with David.
You didnít swim.
David and I swam. We swam for a really long time, Iíve never swum that long with anybody, ever. I felt bad, we were leaving you on the shore, and I was worried you were going to get that sunburn.
Thatís what you say! Thatís English!
Oh. (pause) Do you really admire me?
Is that what you call them? Linguistically, you know.
I was, yes, I forgot. (pause) I just forgot, standing up and everything, Iíve just been standing here like an idiot for such a long time, isnít that funny? Talking about Ė what? I donít even know.
I wasnít talking about David!
But I was talking about swimming.
I was talking about you, and your sunburn. (pause) Your beautiful sunburn, you remember I said it was beautiful.
Well, it was, beautiful, when it deepened, when you didnít look like a lobster Ė the next morning, you know, you looked like Huck Finn, and I said you looked like him, and you said, well, you laughed, and he Ė well, and we were all laughing. And the sky was so strange that day, it was clear and lovely, but there was that Ė I suppose it was the heat, that ripple, everything rippled, like it was through smoke, and you had that wonderful sunburn, and we ate all that fish Ė and Ė I donít know Ė itís funny to remember things. Itís funny how sweet Ė all of a sudden Ė and the weather, nothing like today Ė the rain couldnít have reminded me, unless it reminded me, that we were never going to --
Have weather like that again, I was going to say.
Well, I thought we werenít going to Ė for a while Ė but I thought Ė now we could, maybe, itís been a long time Ė
No. (pause) I know that. I know that, I bet I know that better than you do Ė (she starts to sit down) Anyway Ė A (rising) I was. (pause) Do you want one? Another one. Are you sure?
Well, Iím going to have another one. I shouldnít. It canít be good for me. (pause) It canít be good for me. But, you know. We people. Weíre so foolish, arenít we. Wanting things, that arenít any good for us. (laughs)
Iíd better. (pause) Itís funny, though, isnít it.
How we always just Ė we just want Ė we just want things we shouldnít Ė things we just shouldnít, we shouldnít want them, and we know, itís no good to want them, and we know it, but what good does it do us to know that, we still want them, and, you know.
Do you think Ė really? Do you think thatís a good Ė
(sits) I donít want any coffee.
I donít want to be here. (pause) You donít want to be here.
Youíre being sarcastic.
Do you still think Iím pretty?
Itís been a long time. (pause) It would make sense, if the gloss had worn off. By now. If you were thinking Ė you know, if either of us were thinking, maybe, I mean, itís normal, if we were thinking, just a little bit, if we thought. That it wasnít Ė worth it Ė
Do you think that?
Good. Good, Iím glad. I donít think that, either. (pause) It is pleasant, here.
Itís pleasant. You and I. Magazines, and itís so warm in here, and the rain, outside, it is cozy. (pause) We could be in a magazine ourselves. Could we be in a Norman Rockwell?
Well, anyway. Itís cozy. I like it. (pause) I like the coffee, too. Itís wonderful coffee.
I shouldnít. It wouldnít be any good for Ė it wouldnít be any good for me.
Why doesnít it matter? Itís not good for me anyway, I mean, too much caffeine, it ruins your sleeping, and I have enough trouble Ė going to sleep Ė
Okay. (pause) Except, I think it does.
It does. I want it to. I want to think about it.
I have to think about it.
I have to, I am thinking about it. (pause) I think I have to.
I think I want to. Keep it.
(sits) I know.
We decided. Itís just that I canít.
I mean, I donít even know Ė I donít even know who Ė and if it were Ė I mean, if it were either of you, I couldnít Ė I just couldnít Ė and the thought of him. The thought of him. I mean, what if some good could come of all this.
Oh, Rosie. That feels sweet. (pause) It just seems Ė if you and I could take care of his Ė I mean, donít you think that would be something? Something nobler. And if it were Ė yours Ė
All right. All right.
It was in my bushes. Thatís all I know. (pause) Weíre going to be all right, right? You and I.
I couldnít believe it, a pteradon. Must have been some neighborhood kid.
I felt blessed, really. I felt blessed. A whole prehistoric creature. My yard. I felt blessed.
Thatís okay. Iím going to have another cup. (smiles) Youíll call tonight.
Good. Iím glad.