A Fable from the Book of Oregonia
"The Tale of the Moose Hater"
March 1, 1848
We started down the trail with:
- 20 oxen
- 2000 bullets
- 2000 pounds of food
- 2 packs MnMz
March 3, 1848
Heavy fog. Lost 1 day. A day lost is a day wasted.
We will now travel at a more grueling pace. A pace gruelled is a pace well-spent.
March 5, 1848
Lockness has the measles. A fool with the measles is a fool indeed.
March 6, 1848
We decided to rest for a day. When you have an amazingly successful doctor with you, do not waste days on "rest" or "relaxation."
March 8, 1848
We have arrived at the Kansas River Crossing. Here was shall come to a decision-- ford, caulk, or not? I say caulk, for you may do that immediately, and not have to wait for conditions to improve. What care have I for "safety"? I want only to progress, success, and reach Oregon as fast as possible!
March 9, 1848
We had no trouble floating the wagon across. Such is the luck of one as determined to reach Oregon as I.
March 10, 1848
Broken wagon axle.
We fixed the broken wagon axle. Such is the luck of one as determined to reach Oregon as I, as I, one determined to reach Oregon as I.
March 13, 1848
We have arrived at the Big Blue River Crossing. Such is the name of the river which we shall now attempt to caulk.
March 14, 1848
We had no trouble floating the wagon across.
Lockness is well again. Ah, this is not luck, this is SKILL, for I am the doctor to end all doctors.
March 15, 1848
An ox is sick.
March 16, 1848
Here lies Uncle Froggy, such was a fitting end to the great Frog, though he must not have been so great as to only make it this far! Ha! Ha! Ha!
March 17, 1848
We have reached Fort Kearney. This is the first of many such forts on our root.
March 22, 1848
We have reached Chimney Rock. Such is the chimney of the rock of which we have arrived upon.
March 23, 1848
Gargantua has a fever. I feel it not wise to rest, for we must make it to Oregon by May, which is a ridiculously early time, besides I am such as skilled doctor as to heal her easily. For I am the skilledest doctor around.
March 24, 1848
We have reached Fort Laramie. Such is the name of the fort of which we have reached. Such are the rays of sun that shine down upon this, the second fort of which we have reach'd.
March 28, 1848
Gargantua died of cholera. Such is the way of the deity which I worship, yea, I could not have saved her had I tried. It is the will of the deity which I worship, yea, so don't try to pin the blame on me, a faithful servant of the deity which I worship.
March 31, 1848
Here lies Splyt Infynytyve, yea he was unfortunate, yea, for his name had no vowels.
March 31, 1848
We have reached Independence Rock. Such is the way of the deity which I worship, who has smiled that I, in all my glory, might reach this, as the French say, 'le Rocque de Indepiendience,' yea.
April 3, 1848
We found an abandoned wagon containing:
3 sets of clothing
3 wagon axles
3 wagon tongues
Such is the luck, no, not luck, the will of the glorious deity of which my worship is of, who hath smiled down upon me that I might be da bomb as I so obviously am and anyone who says otherwise is filled with jealousy and rage, and yea, those are bad, so they hath shouldeth be shotten with my trusty rifle, yea.
We have arrived at the South Pass. Yea.
April 7, 1848
We have arrived at the Green River Crossing.
That junk we hath gotteneth from the abandoned wagon awhile back is weighing us down.
We decided to drop 3 spare wagon axles.
We decided to drop 3 spare wagon tongues.
We decided to drop 3 sets of clothing. Yea, the deity of whom I worshipeth and force all others about me to worshipeth also, hath made us naked, yea, clothing covers the deity of whom I worshipeth's wonderful work, yea, clothing hath be the workest of the Evil One.
April 8, 1848
The wagon tipped over while floating. I lost:
Moose Hater (drowned)
Floridian Monk (drowned)