Chizaku, God of Fire
by Paul Riley

March 31, 1850
Here begins the journal of Chizaku, formerly a blacksmith. Tomorrow we leave Independence behind to begin our journey west to Oregon City. We must still purchase the supplies that our large farmwagon will hold to sustain us during our long trek. I hope that my skill in blacksmithing will prove of some value.

April 1, 1850
Took advantage of the package deal offered to me. What a relief not to have to shop for all that individually!
Purchased 6 oxen.
I bought the 6 month package, as I fear that early spring snows will slow us somewhat. But how could the snows slow me, Chizaku, God of Fire? Nevertheless, I bought the 6 month package, and what's done is done. We met a shifty looking man who offered to give us a constitution free of charge. We refused, as it was printed on a cocktail napkin. We also spoke to a woman who told us about the genius of wagon trains. I hope we don't get in that dirty old bat's train. We bought 6 oxen for our wagon, and joined a wagon train. Luckily, that bat isn't in the train. With that, our journey begins!
April 2, 1850
I have been hired as trail guide for the wagon train.
Passed Blue River today.
The ice looks like it will hold the wagon... So across we go.
Today is a good day! I have been hired as Trail Guide, which is the first step in my conquering of this land known as America. I don't think my wagonmates know of my plans, except for Kenny, my first worshipper of many. Al Yankovic, Mark Hoppus, Bono, and Steven Page all hope to get music contracts in the West. They better stick to their instruments and not get in my quest for world domination. When we reached Blue River, many people thought it best that we wait for the weather to get better. I didn't get to my position as God of Fire by resting on my ass. On we go!

April 3, 1850
After much travail, we came to Westport.

Only three days and we reached our first town. I decided not to visit, as it would waste time.

April 5, 1850
Felt somewhat weary today. Passed New Santa Fe.
I felt tired after being woken at four in the morning by Al Yankovic's accordian playing. He claims he was practicing, but I don't think so. He better watch himself, or he might wake up in flames. I decided that even with my somewhat tired body, I decided to continue as usual.

April 7, 1850
Nooned near Lone Elm.

April 9, 1850
Today came to Blue Mound.
I decided this wasn't worth wasting our time to visit, so on we go!

April 10, 1850
It was extremely foggy early today. We figured it was best to continue as usual.

April 14, 1850
The dust from other wagons has gotten bad. We decided to continue as usual.

April 15, 1850
The eternal dust of the wagons ahead of us is most troublesome. We will continue as usual.
Arrived at Kansas River.
Decided to caulk the wagon and float it across.
While talking to other travelers, I met a man brandishing a rather large knife. When I started a conversation with him, he became rather hostile, and tried to threaten me if I passed his wagon. He will soon know not to screw with Chizaku, God of Fire. I also think his large knife was making up for below average anotomy.

April 16, 1850
Today we have traveled 100 miles.
We hope for some rain to settle the dust. For the time being, we'll continue as usual.

April 17, 1850
The eternal dust of the wagons ahead of us is most troublesome. We will continue as usual.

April 18, 1850
The other wagons are churning up thick dust. We're going to continue as usual. Reached Saint Mary’s Mission about noon--about time!
I decided the music playing infidels should visit this mission. Maybe it will calm down Bono and his crazy ideas of "world peace." Stupid drunk Irishman.

April 19, 1850
We hope for some rain to settle the dust. For the time being, we'll continue as usual. Near Red Vermillion River, had a wagon train meeting to discuss our current circumstances. Fording the river looks to be our best option.
I fear that visit to the mission was a mistake. It turns out the mission was about some fairy tale named "God." When will they learn the only god is me, Chizaku, God of Fire. Oh, and my wife, Jane, God of Bitching. Ah, I kid, I kid. I long to see her, and I will try to hurry this trip along. But with Bono's alcohol addiction, this could prove difficult. I tossed off four of the jugs of whiskey he smuggled onto the wagon, but he had already consumed the contents of two jugs. Long story short, the mission lays in burnt ruins. Damn Christians.

April 20, 1850
We hope for some rain to settle the dust. For the time being, we'll continue as usual.
Had a bit of a run-in with another wagon party today near Scott Spring, but we patched up our differences before nightfall.
We stopped along the trail to hunt. We obtained 96 pounds of meat.
Those damn musicians!! Turns out Mark Hoppus called a member of another wagon train a "no good cock polisher." Lucky we got him to apologize before an unfortuante fire broke out, like in that other train. During this time that Mark was screwing up relations with other wagon trains, Steven Page decided to do some hunting. He used five bullets to get 96 pounds of meat...maybe that Canadian is good for something after all.

April 21, 1850

April 22, 1850
We hope for some rain to settle the dust. For the time being, we'll continue as usual.

April 23, 1850
We hope for some rain to settle the dust. For the time being, we'll continue as usual.

April 24, 1850
The other wagons are churning up thick dust. We're going to continue as usual.
The fog was awful this morning. We decided to continue as usual.

April 25, 1850
Today came to Alcove Spring.
We stopped along the trail to hunt. We obtained 166 pounds of meat.
Saw a grave dug up by wolves near Big Blue River--bones scattered about. A most distressing sight!
Steve took this stop at Alcove Spring to hunt. He's a good shot, using only four bullets to get a 166 pound deer.

April 26, 1850
We reached a river, but found there to be too many people to cross right away. So we wait...and luckily, we get to cross this day. We made it safely across.

April 28, 1850
Saw eagles today near St. Joseph Road Junction. What majestic creatures!

I decided to take the Oregon Trail heading west after seeing a sign that said, "Oregon Trail- GO HERE!!" A little obvious, but I'll allow it. For now.

April 30, 1850
This morning it was very foggy. We decided to continue as usual.

May 1, 1850 v A ox died, as a result of an "accident." Bullshit, I told Kenny. I knew it was that damn drunk, Bono. I'll have to keep my eye on that stupid Irishman. I decided to butcher the ox for food, as I'll not tolerate weakness. I do not limit this policy to animals, as the first settler to complain will find.

May 3, 1850
A thick fog rolled in today. Looks like we'll continue as usual.

May 4, 1850

May 11, 1850
Kenny has cholera, and I'll take care of him, as he is my most devoted follower. I think it was a result of the dead ox meat. If Kenny dies, may Bono pray I don't destroy him and everything he holds dear.

May 15, 1850
Broke a wagon wheel today. We will try to repair it.
We were unable to make the repair.
We were able to replace it from supplies.

Another problem in our trip, one of the wagon wheels broke.

May 16, 1850

May 23, 1850
The fog was awful this morning. We decided to continue as usual.
We hope for some rain to settle the dust. For the time being, we'll continue as usual.

May 24, 1850
The eternal dust of the wagons ahead of us is most troublesome. We will continue as usual.

May 25, 1850
The eternal dust of the wagons ahead of us is most troublesome. We will continue as usual.

May 26, 1850
The eternal dust of the wagons ahead of us is most troublesome. We will continue as usual.

May 27, 1850
We're nearly choking on the dust of the trail. We've decided to continue as usual.

May 28, 1850
The eternal dust of the wagons ahead of us is most troublesome. We will continue as usual.

May 29, 1850
The dust from other wagons has gotten bad. We decided to continue as usual.
We found an abandoned wagon. We decided to search it for something useful.
We found: 1 16-oz. bottle of isopropyl alcohol; 1 fishing pole.
We also found the diary of one "Ken Mitchells." The last page reads, "I fear the wagon train is planning to abandon us soon. I think it has something to do with me nailing the wagon leader's wife. She just wanted someone who could 'fill her up' and take care of her, not someone who threatens innocent travelers with his large knife. I hope I will write in this journal again. Goodnight." I wonder if this knife wielder is the same irate jackass I met at the Kansas River Crossing. I decide to keep Ken's journal as reference.

May 30, 1850
The dust from other wagons has gotten bad. We decided to continue as usual.
One of our oxen stepped in a hole, and we are going to continue.
We stopped along the trail to hunt. We obtained 201 pounds of meat.
Steve returned to the hunt again, hoping to calm himself from the incident with the injured ox. That Canadian is a great shot, hitting each target and bringing back 201 pounds of meat. I will consider keeping him around after reaching our destination.

May 31, 1850
We're nearly choking on the dust of the trail. We've decided to continue as usual.

June 1, 1850
The dust from other wagons has gotten bad. We decided to continue as usual.

June 2, 1850
The eternal dust of the wagons ahead of us is most troublesome. We will continue as usual.

June 3, 1850
We hope for some rain to settle the dust. For the time being, we'll continue as usual.

June 4, 1850
The eternal dust of the wagons ahead of us is most troublesome. We will continue as usual.

June 5, 1850
We hope for some rain to settle the dust. For the time being, we'll continue as usual.

June 6, 1850
The other wagons are churning up thick dust. We're going to continue as usual.

June 7, 1850
The dust from other wagons has gotten bad. We decided to continue as usual.

June 20, 1850
A prairie fire spread across the trail today. It seemed best to continue as usual.
The "mysterious" prairie fire began early this morning after I woke up to urine in my pants. It turned out Mark thought it would be funny to put my hand in water while I slept...he's now on my list with that drunk Bono.

June 21, 1850
We're nearly choking on the dust of the trail. We've decided to continue as usual.

June 22, 1850
A severe thunderstorm made travel difficult today. We figured we would continue as usual.

June 23, 1850
I spot strangers ahead, and I decide to approach them. I am not worried, as my fire powers will keep me safe. Turns out my powers will take a rest, as the strangers seemed calm, although one member commented about our defenses. I will be on guard for any suspicious activities.

July 3, 1850
This morning it was very foggy. We decided to continue as usual.

July 4, 1850
Today is Independence Day and we've decided to continue.
We stopped along the trail to hunt. We did not have any luck.

It is Independence Day, but I decide to continue. I do not feel patriotic, as I am not from America. This whole holiday seems rather stupid to me.

July 6, 1850
Misplaced my guidebook at The Narrows today. Luckily we found it before leaving.
We stopped along the trail to hunt. We obtained 207 pounds of meat.
I just got bitten by a wild animal. We're going to treat with an antiseptic.

I can not continue at such a lazy pace. From now on, ten hours of travel a day!

July 7, 1850
We were fortunate to happen upon some wild vegetables. We will stop and gather vegetables. We gathered 10 pounds.

July 10, 1850
We have been traveling for 100 days, today.

July 11, 1850
We're nearly choking on the dust of the trail. We've decided to continue as usual.

July 12, 1850
We're nearly choking on the dust of the trail. We've decided to continue as usual.
The ox yoke broke, and I decided to try to repair it.
We were successful.

July 13, 1850
The dust from other wagons has gotten bad. We decided to continue as usual.

July 14, 1850
We're nearly choking on the dust of the trail. We've decided to continue as usual.
A prairie fire spread across the trail today. It seemed best to continue as usual.
Steven Page has a bad burn, and we're hoping to apply aloe to burns.
We stopped along the trail to hunt. We obtained 195 pounds of meat.
Another prarie fire...I hope the infidels are not catching on to me. Unfortunatly, Steve was burned as a result of the release of my anger. I sent out Mark to hunt, but that moron wasted nine bullets and only got 195 pounds of meat. I hope Steve recovers soon.


July 15, 1850
The other wagons are churning up thick dust. We're going to continue as usual.

July 16, 1850
I just learned that [name] [have/has] an infection. I decided to clean and dress wound.
Steven Page has a bad burn, and we're hoping to clean and bandage burns.
Camped today near “The Coast of Nebraska”.
Today is a bad day. My wounds as a result of the mountain lion fight have become infected, and Steve's burns have taken a turn for the worse. I hope Steve recovers soon, as he is my best hunter. I don't think I can take another "Look at my long steel 'gun'" joke from Mark.

July 17, 1850
We're nearly choking on the dust of the trail. We've decided to continue as usual.

July 18, 1850
The eternal dust of the wagons ahead of us is most troublesome. We will continue as usual.
Al Yankovic is suffering from thirst, and I've decided to go faster.
ALAS!!! Steven has died, of thirst, no less. We provided a proper burial, but those troublemakers Bono and Mark disrupted the serene calm of the burial with a game of "How many times can I throw up?" Maybe I will give Al a chance to hunt, after he gets something to drink.

July 19, 1850
Had a pleasant talk with Miss Whitney today in the vicinity of Fort Kearny.
Purchased 3 canteens, 2 oxen, 1 spare wagon axle, 2 spare wagon wheels.
During my conversation with Miss Whitney, a drunken Bono stumbled up and grabbed her breast, she immediately slapped him, but I think she liked it. As I walked into the supplies store, I noticed the two of them slipping into the wagon. THAT DAMNED IRISHMAN!!!

July 20, 1850
The other wagons are churning up thick dust. We're going to continue as usual.
Another inconvinence in our travels, Mark has died. Now maybe I get some sleep at nights instead of being kept awake by tales of Mark's "dreams." Damn fool.

July 21, 1850
The other wagons are churning up thick dust. We're going to continue as usual.

July 22, 1850
The eternal dust of the wagons ahead of us is most troublesome. We will continue as usual.
Got as far as Plum Creek today.
We stopped along the trail to hunt. We obtained 183 pounds of meat.

July 24, 1850
We hope for some rain to settle the dust. For the time being, we'll continue as usual.

July 25, 1850
The eternal dust of the wagons ahead of us is most troublesome. We will continue as usual.
Today I found out that morale is slipping. Have they possibly lost faith in me? I will show them...

July 26, 1850
We're nearly choking on the dust of the trail. We've decided to continue as usual.
It's mighty hot today. We’re going to continue as usual.
Al Yankovic has been bitten by a snake. I'm going to use tourniquet/suction method.
I'm sure if Mark were still around, he would make a joke about the "suction" method. I'm glad he's gone. That weakling.

July 27, 1850
The other wagons are churning up thick dust. We're going to continue as usual.
It's mighty hot today. We’re going to continue as usual.
We stopped along the trail to hunt. We obtained 182 pounds of meat.
It turns out Kenny isn't such a bad hunter, and he will do as Al's replacement while he recovers from his nasty rattlesnake bite.

July 28, 1850
We're nearly choking on the dust of the trail. We've decided to continue as usual.
The weather turned mighty hot, so we’re planning to continue as usual.
We found some wild vegetables and decided to gather while continuing.
We gathered 2 pounds.
The eternal dust of the wagons ahead of us is most troublesome. We will continue as usual.
The weather turned mighty hot, so we’re planning to continue as usual.

July 29, 1850
Al Yankovic has been bitten by a snake. I'm going to use antiseptic on the bite.

July 30, 1850
The other wagons are churning up thick dust. We're going to continue as usual.

July 31, 1850
The other wagons are churning up thick dust. We're going to continue as usual.
We found some wild vegetables and decided to gather while continuing.
We gathered 9 pounds.
Misplaced my guidebook at O’Fallon’s Bluffs today. Luckily we found it before leaving.

August 1, 1850

August 2, 1850
The other wagons are churning up thick dust. We're going to continue as usual.

August 3, 1850
The other wagons are churning up thick dust. We're going to continue as usual.

August 4, 1850
We hope for some rain to settle the dust. For the time being, we'll continue as usual.
It's mighty hot today. We’re going to continue as usual.

August 5, 1850
The eternal dust of the wagons ahead of us is most troublesome. We will continue as usual.
It's mighty hot today. We’re going to continue as usual.
We'll continue, despite the eternal mosquitoes.
We're nearly choking on the dust of the trail. We've decided to continue as usual.
The weather turned mighty hot, so we’re planning to continue as usual.

August 6, 1850
I have an infection, and we're hoping to apply sulfur to wound.
The trail brought us to South Platte River today.
Decided to caulk the wagon and float it across.
The eternal dust of the wagons ahead of us is most troublesome. We will continue as usual.
We tipped the wagon and lost 8 10-lb. sacks of dried beans; 4 5-lb. sacks of dried fruit; 4 5-lb. sacks of dried vegetables; and various other items.


I had dammed well better not die! Where would the world end up without me as its ruler? Probably in some kind of World War or some such bullplop.

August 7, 1850
The eternal dust of the wagons ahead of us is most troublesome. We will continue as usual.
Morale is very low, and I fear a rebellion. I will smite them shall they rise up against me. Dammed infidels.

August 8, 1850
Today we have traveled 500 miles.
The other wagons are churning up thick dust. We're going to continue as usual.

August 9, 1850
We hope for some rain to settle the dust. For the time being, we'll continue as usual.
Sore feet today, but I'll manage. Saw Ash Hollow.

August 10, 1850
The other wagons are churning up thick dust. We're going to continue as usual.


It turns the rebellion I feared has happened. I tried my best to kill them, but they overwhelmed me, especially with my deteriorated status. I went out fighting...