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The Crush List III

Even more carefully categorized fictional objects of affection

In the previous crush list I very nobly identified the attractive traits of my crushes in terms of their personalities. In this list I swim to the shallow end: all-out physical appearance and style.

I uphold the law. Pointy Archetype: Apollo

The role of Lee "Apollo" Adama in the new Battlestar Galactica isn't even the role I knew Jamie Bamber in first (that would be Hans in Daniel Deronda) or best (Kennedy in Horatio Hornblower). But it is the role where, thanks to his clean-cut face and hair, it is most clearly evident how very, very pointy his face truly is. His jawbones come to perfect 45-degree angles! And he has what I consider an attractive conflict: he wants to be a force of Right and Good, but it's complicated to figure out how to do that in a post-Cylon world.

It occurs to me that my semi-rule of not conferring an archetype on two people from the same TV show (not first prize, anyway) and my love for Battlestar's Starbuck, also intense, may be at odds. Something's got to give, and I suspect it will not be my love for Starbuck.

A compromise: Apollo AND Starbuck.

Look how different he looks as Hans Meyrick! (+1 Dancy Bonus)

I didn't go out of my way to find picture of any of these crushes wearing nothing but a towel, but this is 90% of the pictures of Jamie Bamber on the Internet.

Fraser, you know not of what you speak.

Pointy Archetype Honorable Mention: RayK. I know Canada's sweetheart Callum Keith Rennie best as the hollow-cheeked spiky-haired second Ray on Due South. As far as I can tell, Ray Kowalski is Callum's only non-villain role, and he's morally complex and violent and fragile in an interesting way. However, his jawbones come only to imperfect points, and I couldn't bring myself to award top prizes to both of the leads in Due South.

Lady Fame? She comes round here all the time. Androgynous Rock Star Archetype: Vince Noir

This cheery 90%-style/10% substance punk-rock frontman is one of the duo of the supremely bizarre (read: delightful) British comedy The Mighty Boosh. I also have a deep affection for his comedy partner, the earnest and intense Howard Moon, whose wackiness is subtler, and tragic. In general, everything goes wrong for Howard, and right for Vince. But Vince Noir is so loveable that he overcomes my inclination to root for the underdog. Not only does he pull off sublime and ridiculous costumes, hair, and makeup, but he's just damn pleasant to spend televisual time with: happy, unfazed by anything, and as Howard once describes him, "made of sunshine."

Actor Noel Fielding and his complicated and fascinating face can also be found playing a reclusive goth in The IT Crowd and, coincidentally enough, a sunshiney punk-style actor/musician named Noel Fielding in various quiz shows and behind-the-scenes special features.

One of Vince and Howard's show intros.

In a particularly girly costume in the episode "Old Gregg."

The grin of a slightly unshaven Noel.


Androgynous Rock Star Archetype Honorable Mention: Shane. I have mixed feelings about The L Word. On the one hand, I think it's kind of boring. On the other, there is Shane. It's easy for a man to make elaborately styled hair, tons of eyeliner and a velvet jacket look like a daring cross of gender boundaries; Shane manages it as a woman. She's slept with every girl in town. She moves like the coolest boy in school. She's protective of her friends. Finally, she earns my respect forever for actually pulling off the torn-off-sleeves look, a fashion statement I attempted in tenth grade with little success.

This is way far out, man! Bright Eyed (And Bushy Tailed) Archetype: Blair Sandburg

I can't believe I've gone this many crush lists without mentioning Blair. I've discussed The Sentinel before, mainly to explain how over-the-top terrible it is. In that account I described Blair simply as "squirrelly." And that's not unfair. But time and Stockholm syndrome have led me to a place of deep devotion (rather like Blair's love for the Sentinel). Look, he's got full lips and eyes the color of a clear cloudless sky, and there's only so many poetic descriptions of him that I can read in fan fiction without gaining a true appreciation of his nymphlike beauty.

Plus, on the show, he plays a nerd, and for some reason I relate to that.

No Blair image collection would be complete without a shot of him gazing adoringly at Jim.

Aauuuuugh actor Garett Maggart with short hair auuuuuuuugh

I did no websearching for this: all of these pictures were lying around on my hard drive. By the way, I'm pretty sure he's gazing at Jim here, too.


- Laura