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Self-Effacing Responses to My Snotty Survey Answers

While I cannot say with any grain of truth that "I do not think myself so very clever"--for, you know, I really do--I did not, at that time, think my actions particularly admirable. I was concerned, even as I swept my Bic across the glossy little page, with my unoriginality in form and media. Perhaps it was a presumptuous concern in and of itself, now that I think of it; what right have I to be original?

Such things as this have been done a thousand times before by scholars with wit twice as sharp and snot thrice as viscous. What I did took no discipline; I stood on the shoulders of giants and I, well, I...

      I filled out a food service quality survey at the cafeteria in my school.

Fig 1. The inviting frontispiece, the first invitation to subversion.

Fig 2. The interior survey, with responses of uncertain quality.

Please share your comments on the following:

1. Food Quality (taste, temperature, presentation, value)

The entrées are indeed tastefully presented; it is only a pit that they do not taste presentable. Zing! This one's not so bad; the "Zing!" somewhat tempers the impression that I think myself a disciple of Wilde; I don't know if "presentable" is really ever used a descriptor for taste, though.

2. Variety of food and beverage choices

In the a paraphrase of the immortal Brad, there are more things in heaven and Earth than are dreamed of in this caf's philosophy. Name, croutons. And ambrosia! The scribble-out is counterintuitive to the glib persona I was affecting, and the quote is tired. I must admit that "the immortal Brad" tickles me pink, however.

3. Service (staff friendliness, efficiency, professional appearance)

I concede that the staff looks professional. In my line of work I have encountered a plethora of "professionals", however, and not all of them are in food service industry.
This is where it really breaks down. I think (only from memory; the text certainly doesn't give any clue) that I was trying to subtly imply that the staff looked like hookers; a noble goal, perhaps, but I ended up just spouting some nonsense.
4. Facility (lines, cleanliness, design, etc.)
The unending dullness of the lines is less to do with the design of the facility than the baby boom of the 1950s, the current echo of which has produced some extraordinarily dull individuals. Still, I blame the DIRTY HUNS! Awkwardly worded; I shouldn't be allowed to use a pen when I'm not thinking my clauses through. As you can see I attempted to recover from what I knew even then was a distinct lack of hookers in the previous response by mentioning the "DIRTY HUNS." You can't see it, but I'm clapping my hand to my head and sighing sadly.
5. Do you have any additional suggestions for improvement?
Suck less. The previous answers had been passed around to the others at my table, so the final question was answered by committee. I have no quarrel with it, except perhaps that it would have had more impact if I had been more successfully eloquent in the previous answers.

If you are still disappointed in me, I beg you to be lenient in your judgment. I am but a student. It would have been unfair to expect me to refrain from filling out such a document, it having been laid before me. You can thank Providence, however, that I did not actually send it to the cafeteria people.



- Laura


Go home! Nothing to see here!

Okay, you got me. There's more.

No there isn't. I lied.

Or did I?

Bonus College Feature!

Here is a worksheet from Linguistics.

I think think my examples for the vowel sounds are more amusing than any caf survey stuff, but I only that because I am idiot.