"U"'re Gonna Love It

Okay, I might be wrong, but I think a certain superstore that rhymes with "Barget" is pulling a fast one on its web patrons. Like many other websites that exist to hawk their wares online, the Barget website has a "lists" section, where people can make lists of say, all the things they think are "essential" for making toast. These lists have a minimum 2 exclamation point per item requirement, and a love for superlatives. For example:

Jen's Toast List!!!

By Jen, a toast lover
1) A toaster!

The essential first step for warm, delicious toast!

2) Some bread

Take your pick! Wheat, white, rye, pumpernickel - gotta love 'em all!!

3) Butter!!

Everyone loves butter! Just like everyone loves bread! You gotta! Love it, I mean!

4) Jam

Okay, so maybe you don't like butter, you HAVE to like jam! It's the best!

5) Peanut Butter

Okay, say if you don't like butter AND you don't like jam, you HAVE to like peanut butter! And if you don't, well, then maybe toast isn't for you, okay, pickypants?

Hours of entertainment. Anyhow, I was looking for sheets on the Barget website the other day, and I noticed a plethora of lists made by people who purport to be college students. The distinguishing characteristic of these lists, apart from the aforementioned fondness for exclamation points and a love of the word "cute," was that they all included one item:

Infamy! One of the "college students" said this hideous abomination was "cute." One noted that it would "keep stuff off your desk--and cute!" Most, in a rare display of wisdom, said noting at all, letting the U-shaped atrocity speak for itself. But this brings us to a interesting question: Is it, in fact, that all college students in the U.S. have bad taste? This would be the obvious conclusion from the near-universal acclaim this hideous magazine rack, brimming as it does with false collegiate bonhomie has received among the Barget listing community.

However, there may be a more reassuring answer. The near-identical tone struck in all of these lists, plus the inexplicable love for the magazine rack, lead me to believe that these lists are, in fact, generated by Barget staffers. These staffers, as I imagine it, are desperate the sell the glut of Bodd Odham "University" magazine racks that were ordered by some merchandising guru tanked out of his gourd on acid. (Sidenote: I have been a college student. I have known many college students across North America. I have never once ever met someone who thought a magazine rack was an "essential," nor have I ever met one who would want one that proclaimed that they were a college student. By and large, college students will do anything to avoid getting labeled as "some college student," and it is only those much younger or much older who see any glamour or charm attached to having a college look.) Of course, maybe I'm wrong and people genuinely do love the product, and the merchandising guru is on a well-earned vacation in the Bahamas, tanked off his gourd on acid. Maybe I'm the misfit. But if scorning those racks is wrong, then I don't want to be right.