MU AND SPICK
Mu and Spick were cruising in their modified souped-up hopped- up convertible airspeeder. Mu was driving. Spick had better things to do. He was jumping up so that his hair would all flow back in the wind. He liked it when the wind inflated his nostrils.
Mu brought the speeder down to a few feet above the surface of the ground. "Alright, Birch Boy, time to start walkin'."
"Yo, aah, what's the problem?" inquired Spick.
"You. You and your goddamn smarmy loudassed half-punk excuse for showmanship. You and the circus you came in with, you can take your emotional baggage and hit the proverbial highway. You dig?"
"Aaahh......" mused Spick. "........... No."
Mu stroked his chin, which was stubbled on one side due to a shaving accident. "Neither do I. However, I'm impressed by my fluency in the grand game of insults. I am what they call... je noir c'est passez vous en la frenchesca fermi, no?"
"Sure, Mu," agreed Spick affably. "You're right, Mu. You're so smart."
"I know several languages," acknowledged Mu.
"Yeah. Me too."
Mu stared at his rather bulky friend. "You know several languages?"
"And not very well," added Mu, concentrating on his driving. "You couldn't outgess a Torntillian Leech at a game of Answers and you couldn't divide three cakes by two stomachs. You, in short, are a rather weak shiner in the cosmic void."
"Yeah?" said Spick.
Mu nodded. "Yeah," he said positively.
Spick shrugged. "No problem. I can shoot good, and I'm not supposed to be the brains of this operation. You're supposed to be Big Joe Think-Tank, the Great Wonder of the Everlasting Sleep."
"With parsley," Mu reminded him.
"With parsley," Spick conceded. "So what are we supposed to be doing, anyway?"
"We're on our way to blow up the planet of Nilsville. The bombs are all set, all we have to do is punch in the start code."
"Why are we blowing up this planet?"
"There's too many goddamn planets in this galaxy," said Mu vehemently. "It gets confusing."
"Excellent. Well, there's our destination now." Spick pointed over the dashboard of the Mark 1 convertible airspeeder at a giant, black round bomb with a fuse that lay dead ahead.
"Oh no! Nilstroopers!" cried Mu, putting a hand to each cheek in the classic pose of dismay. "Whatever shall we do?"
"Outrun 'em, since they're on foot and we're eating up 500 Hectares per Second," suggested Spick.
"Splendid idea," said Mu. He floored it twice. Soon they had arrived at the bomb site.
The airspeeder hovered next to the giant fuse. Actually, the fuse was a series of twisted wires that connected with a small computer box. Spick stood up in the car to punch in numbers. "So, what's the demolition code on this bad boy?"
"3..." said Mu.
Spick searched and found a 3. "Okay, then what?"
"That's it." Mu pointed at the bomb. "It's armed now."
"Okay. How do we get away?"
"Oh my. I hadn't though of that." Mu looked at the camera before they all blew up.
When the explosion cleared, only charred wreckage was left on the whole planet. However, miraculously, two lives had survived-- two small sparks in the empriness. However, one spark was dangerously weak.
"Spick! Speak to me!" shrieked Mu, as he bent over his wounded friend.
"Help me get--this beam off my leg--" groaned Spick. A huge beam of wood had trapped his leg and he was trapped. He couldn't get away.
"Oh, Spick! I swear I'll never make fun of you again! Just pull through!"
"I'll pull through," said Spick weakly. "With your help."
Those brave words infused Mu with new strength and he ripped the beam off his friend's leg.
"Thanks a lot, Mu, you really saved my life."
"And your leg," wisecracked Mu.
The two friends laughed and rode off into the sunset on two dappled horses who had just happened by. Soon they would find a ship and embark on more adventures throughout the galaxy. For the were...
MU AND SPICK...