The Death Throw
       Miles Standish was in line to use the bunderscotch when a screaming woman ran through the stadium. She was holding a cantaloupe and a large axe. She was sweaty and she had her hair messy and stands of it were falling into her face. She held the axe next to the cantaloupe over her head and stood at the edge of a high precipice and yelled "I'll DO IT, I TOLD you I'd DO IT!"

       "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" came a yell. It was Johnny Woonsocket, who came running heroically into the burning mosque and rescued two babies and a little baby bear.

       "Hero of the day!" Declared the Mayor, and he gave Johnny a medal and a key to the city and then pushed him down the stairs and laughed demonically, "MWA HA HA HA HA!"

       Johnny rolled until he stopped right at the edge of the lava pit, bloody and beaten. He sat up and cried "It's YOU! My evil arch-enemy! Two-Ears McFleabitten!"

       "Har har har, that is right," said Two-Ears, drawing his ivory-handled guns his father gave him right before he died chasing after the Forest King. "Son, carry on my legend of evil," Lawn Gone McFleabitten had said. So Two-Ears did, but his real passion was baseball: that american game of dreams, fireworks, apple pie, and really big cars.

       One day Two-Ears decided to follow his dream and become a baseball player. He went through training and he got to play one game before he was kicked out for shoving.

       God, it was a good game. The sun shining brightly on the field... the hot dogs... the cola. But Miles Standish had a little too much Coca Cola that day, so he had to get up during the seventh inning to go to the bunderscotch.

       All of a sudden a screaming woman ran through the stadium...

Fiction Menu | Johnny Woonsocket Menu