The Plot... A cargo donkey train loaded with thermo-nuclear explosives has been hijacked by a lunatic with good intentions (Anthony Quinn). With the help of a government weapons specialist, the CIA hopes to reclaim the stolen goods and return them to their native land. PETA, with the assistance of Stanley Cartspeed (Will Smith), must jet ski through the rain forest to return the stolen thermo-nuclear explosives safely to the American people. And if this wasn't enough, he has a mere 8 hours to do it. With the assistance of a crochety marine (Bruce Willis), our heroes must ski through the jungle to deliver the borrowed CIA information safely to the Icelandic people. All this turns sour as he figures out that his sister in-law (Charlize Theron) has been carjacked by the the villain. Added to the mix there is the madcap tomfoolery of a jive talkin' black man (Chris Tucker) who when held prisoner by the the bad guys says: "What kinda fucked up situation is this?" It will prove difficult seeing that a cop with a vendetta (Robert DiNero) has secrets regarding his sordid life of crime. Just as our heroes are departing on their suicidal mission, they slowly all burst into a sing-along of Leavin' on a Jetplane much to the chagrin of the PMRC . At the final moment the President delivers a decree to the citizens of the world. As this dramatic grandstanding drags on he says: "Nothing could have ever prepared me for this day. Mankind will survive. Mankind MUST survive!" A PETA chemical expert in the crowd answers this with: "I hope god is on our side." Coming this spring. Rated R Running time 294 minutes Directed by: Michael Bay Projected Critic Rating:

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