The Lance Conspiracy
It is time for us to see the light! Lance Redcloud is not just the self-centered playboy he appears to be at first glance. Well, sure, he's that. But there's so much he's hiding of his past...
Q & A Session
There have been those who opposed my theory. But I have squelched their petty arguments like jam. Mwa ha ha ha ha!
Q: But in the Valentine's Day Special, in the "More Than a Woman" montage, Lance and Eskimo are shown at the beach and Lance has his shirt off and he's a man.
The montage is in Lance's memory (or perhaps his imaginings for the future). Perhaps Lance is so used to thinking of himself as a man that he forgets that he can't take his shirt off at the beach. This is something that might only occur to him when he's actually at the beach and in that situation. Also, many of the things in the montage probably never happened: the Lady and the Tramp bit and the King and I bit probably came from Lance's imagination (and I have my doubts about the roulette bit and the ninja bit as well), so why not the bit about going to the beach and having the freedom to show off his chest?
Q: But if Lance is a really girl, how come Eskimo still won't go out with him?
The cartoonist tried to throw us off the scent with The Lance and Eskimo Valentine's Day Special, when Eskimo refused Lance because he was a boy and, therefore, not in fitting with her sexual preference. We can assume that Eskimo does know about Lance's biological sex. She is his best friend and they do live together--it would be a hard thing to hide. Especially since it seems that the two have known each other for a long time. So why would Eskimo turn down Lance, knowing that he is (kind of) a girl?
I know why.
To love someone, you must love them on all levels, physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, yada yada yada. Assuming that Eskimo has to potential to love Lance emotionally and spirtually (because those levels are kind of vague anyway) and assuming that she could be physically attracted to him from what she knows of his (*cough* female) body, she still has to love him mentally. But Lance doesn't have a girl's mentality. He thinks of himself as a boy, and acts accordingly. In order to love Lance both mentally and physically, Eskimo would have to be bisexual which, as she clearly states with the statement "You know I'm gay, right?", she is not.
Q: So Lance and Eskimo will still never get together?
Who knows what goes on in that crazy cartoonist's head? I suppose there's more of a chance than before, when we thought Lance was just some dude. You never know.
Q: Why does it matter, if Lance acts like a boy anyway?
Well, it doesn't, really.
I just thought you should know.